25th July ..
not really - it's 1.25am so it should be 26th July.
Since I'm doing nothing, I thought I'd might as well just blog so I don't have to bother myself to blog tomorrow or later on today. I'd like to dedicate my blogs to what I'm thinking instead of something about my day, so starting from today these entries will be all about what I'd like to dedicate to someone or just thoughts and feelings.
Things on my mind - hate how frustrating things can get sometimes. So it's pretty weird and fcuked up when you hear all these shit from other people about someone you know right... I hate how it gets into my head, especially if it's about someone I trust and love. How hard you try to get things clear, it just stays in your head; bugging you until you just want to rage or something close to that. I hate how one person tells you a story and how the other tells you a different story, seriously which side do you listen to? Yeh, I trust one of the person more than the other...but that makes no difference because I have not seen yet any signs of what the OTHER person is saying. I get asked if I trust her, yeh - course I do but still, it does still bug me after hearing all the shit. You wouldn't know how fustrating it is. Who would? We're all different human beings, different emotions and all...can't expect someone to understand me the way I want them to, it doesn't matter how many times I explain myself or how many times I try to tell you - you'd never understand. You would try to; thinking you understand but c'mon...do you really? It's kinda funny how we are so opposite, like when I want you to hang up but you wouldn't...then it comes to the point when I just get all grumpy...& you still wouldn't hang up. But it's aiight I guess coz then I give in from being grumpy to just being all happy again, it's pretty cool how you don't give up so easily even though sometimes I just really want you to. I know you love me and I love me too ahahaha...I mean ILY too.
So I promised I won't bring up what you did anymore, I'll let it go - but honestly...I just really can't. It still bugs me when I think of it or even when I'm not thinking about it. It just somehows get to me and at a point I just want to...(IDK) pretty fcuked up I guess. Can't help it can I? You try and imagine me doing what you did to me. I guess you'd just be as fcuked up as I am. It's really silly ay, but I can't forget it, what HE did...I swear I'll remember it until I see him again. Hopefully soon, so that punishment arrives. :)
I have no regrets (LIES). I don't want any. But I can't lie about that coz of course one day I will have regret(s) and think about how much I didn't want it to happen. Oh wells...atm that's all cool. I'll just let it off my mind a bit.
To a certain person:
I just want you to know how sorry I am for putting you through the pain. How you thought that no one could cause so much pain to another person. I am truly sorry. I know sorry is not enough and it'll never be, but your still young. Plenty of guys are out there, plenty that would treat you better and wouldn't hurt you the way I did. I guess ... I could say this is ONE regret. I won't let myself by until I know your happy again, I know I did you wrong and I did myself wrong for letting it happen. No words of mine will ever make you believe that it's true - I know. It's silly how I put you & I in this situation, can't be friends or talk normally anymore. Fcuk! =S That's pretty shit. But I know...after you move on - we will become friends once again...hopefully. Sorry.
- JLe.
Yadda yadda yadda...