19th & 20th August
Song of the day: Save Me - Simple Plan
What's so special about you? I can't figure the speech I've been placed into, you know how you want to say something so much but it just can't come out yet? How much you do mean it yourself, it won't come out at all & you just hesitate to say those words coz you know it's true to you but you'll never know if they think you mean it well enough? I can only make a fool of myself by saying it & have nothing responded to that will make you feel like you said the right thing. You thought it would be easy to just say it but you've did it too much in the past that it was so easy before & that words meant nothing to that person. Now your just afraid of that word coz you're not sure if it's what you want to hear or say coz you never know if they're just saying it.
It's like your vocal cords are dying, then don't want to speak out for you while you hear those few words come by. I wish it was as simple as those few words but it's not - with saying it...there needs to be honestly within the spaces but writing it is always different from saying it. I don't want to make you feel like a fool when you say it coz it won't come out of me, I'm not being mute coz I don't feel the same way; in fact it's just that I can't say it yet. What if after something happens? Yeh, it's always a "what if" but you just have to be sure before you say it right?
Confusing as it is, it just has to be that way coz until my vocal cords can say it out loud - than that will depend on time. Time will tell.
Anyways - been reading blogs & all, some just catches my eyes more than others but your's have made me realise heaps. You thought it would have been easy to just get rid of the feeling right...but it does not look like it, there is not a word that could really explain it. You thought you could actually hid it but it shows, it worries me when I see it & as much as I don't want to know what's going on ... I see it all around me. It's right in front of me & it makes me curious each & every time. I want to ask you how you feel & all but that won't be happening coz it just won't work the way it will.
You'll always mean more than I'll ever show it, weird but true. Guess this is how the story will start ...
So atm I'm at Julz & Jen's house waiting for Julz to get ready & go late night .. fah .. she's taking her time isn't she .. >=]
- JLe.
Yadda yadda yadda...