24th November
Song of the day: Through My Eyes - Ryan
Well now that it's in the evening, I'm blogging again coz I have nothing better to do & there are still things on my mind. But firstly...GUESS WHAT?! This is my 70th blog entry, I'm proud of myself, I can't believe I still continued even though most people can't be bothered anymore & just leaves it here .. I still blog .. =D This is the place where I can just let it out, all these thoughts & even if not many people tend to read this anymore, I don't care, I'm still going to blog.
So it bugged me the whole day, I don't know how this could of gone this far yet it has. When the person asked is your -------- fine with this, I just didn't reply; what am I suppose to tell them? That she's insecure or make her sound bad? That's the first thing I will not do, I don't want others thinking your some insecure person or anything coz whatever happens, is between us & no one should be involved. That's how I'll put it out, even if there's a war coming down on us, I'll do my best to fix it right & stop this.
It's my fault, it always is. Everything's my fault. I get it. But before I explain, you could just shut me down straight away from not paying attention to just blowing off, what can I do? What more can I say? When your anger gets a hold of me, I tend to get the anger inside of me too. & when it happens, nothing is said right or properly, everything just turns into fire, turns into a big mess. It's not simple right? ...
If you think I'm giving up on us, that's the biggest wrong of all for starters coz you mean alot me & asssif I'd just let it all slip away like this. I know little things make us blow it but sometimes have we thought back to how stupid it could be? To be in weird situations from something so little, is it worth it? If our love was so strong, I'm sure we could overcome it; I'm sure we'll find other answers to it. Maybe at times we just need to cool down & think over something before we blow it, it's better that way instead of just jumping to a certain conclusion straight away. Have you thought of how many arguments we could get out of, how much happier we could be?
Overall, even if we're gonna have these blow off, I'm not leaving. I'm gonna stay coz I'm not gonna let my life drift away ... your everything to me, more than I could ever ask for & to have you over & over again, what makes you think its so easy to just let you walk away? Is my love not enough? Do I know show enough affection? I'm not the type to be all corny & soft in relationships, I've built a wall around all that but if you insist, I'll knock the wall down & become a better man with all them corny, soft things I'd say. But really, is that who I want to be? ... If you must .. I'll change, I'll try to at least.
It's not that I have you, the chase is over. It's that I have you & I don't want to lose you, the chase is always on & if I really had to, I'd chase you over & over again, I'll be there. We've been through it all, its more than enough during these times ... & we should find other possibilty to work it out, just ask me questions... I don't know what you want to know. Even if I knew you well enough, it's only you controlling your brain & not me so just tell me, I won't be judging or saying anything bad about it, I just want to know what my baby is thinking.
Don't hesitate anymore ... & the only time you could let out your tears are when its on my shoulder or over something other than our relationship coz the worst thing is ... knowing your upset coz of me.
- JLe.
Yadda yadda yadda...